If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
