What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had sex on a roof
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
