Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
