In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
