WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
