My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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