hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
