Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
