out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
