shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
