I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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