Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
