she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
