The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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