I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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