just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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