He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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