no. you can't hotbox the world.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
