Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
