In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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