You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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