please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
