Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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