His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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