so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
