I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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