Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
