so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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