It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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