If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
