you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize