you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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