Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
