just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
