the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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