i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
