you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
