youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
