Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
