hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
