I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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