someone owes me an orgasm
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
