I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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