She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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