pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
