Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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