is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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