Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
