You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
