I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
