I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
