Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
