He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
