mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
love makes seman taste better
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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