Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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