So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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