We won't sleep together?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
