I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
