I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
