I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
