I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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