When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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