I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
