I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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