He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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