I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
